Choosing to be faithful is a decision. You may not always feel like it. It takes a lot of self-control in not being punitive, sensitivity to the feelings of others, empathy, good impulse control, and the willingness and skills to effectively ask, and even demand that your intimate partner fulfill your needs.
Good communication, negotiation, problem solving and conflict resolution skills are important in this process, as well as a lot of patience, which is needed in order to hang in there. It is definitely not easy. It is easier for many people find someone else.
Infidelity may start as an accident, a curiosity, or as a punishment. There is an addictive quality to it, which makes it progressively harder to stop.
Once it is discovered, infidelity hits with tremendous force. It decimates your partner's self esteem, ruptures trust, threatens the kids, destabilizes the relationship and throws the future into question. It is like a death. It is the death of the relationship's innocence, for it will be a long time before the two of you trust each other again.
Once it is admitted or discovered, infidelity generates tremendously powerful emotions in the betrayed partner. Emotions will likely include anger, rage, the desire for revenge, and sometimes homicidal and suicidal feelings. Nothing seems to wound more than being jilted for someone else.
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