Four Things that Can Kill a Marriage

From Dr. Gottman's Research

John Gottman is a University of Washington researcher who has studied marriage and married couples for years. He states that four things can kill love and a marriage:

1. Sarcasm
2. Contempt
3. Stonewalling
4. An unwillingness to meet a spouse's requests

Source

Should I Get Married?

Revised Edition, October 2000


Most of the happily married couples I know confess that the road to finding the right person was a rocky one at best. There were many false starts and disappointments along the way, and there was even a lot of confusion in reaching the decision they finally made. One very happily married woman in her late forties admitted to me in all honesty, "If I were widowed, I don't think I could go through the process of finding a husband again."

I do know a Christian couple who were acquainted only four days before becoming engaged. The decision to marry involved no struggle for either of them. Though only in their young twenties, they were both mature enough to make a wise choice. They've been married over twenty-five years now and have had an excellent relationship. They show that whatever may be said about the difficulty of choosing a marriage partner, or the need for a long acquaintance period, there are exceptions to every rule.

I'm hard pressed, though, to think of another example like theirs. My own odyssey toward marriage definitely fit the rule and not the exception. I was painfully shy as an adolescent and teenager. While I did enjoy a dating relationship in my young teens that lasted over a year, several others which I longed to initiate never got off the ground. Things began to improve after I gave my life to Christ at age nineteen. My social confidence in general increased remarkably.

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Getting Married: How Do You Know for Sure?

Always a bridesmaid…that is what I thought I would be. As I watched friend after friend walk down the aisle and say, “I do” to their prince charming, I wondered if I would ever be a bride. I had dated several guys who wanted to become more serious, but when they would start talking about marriage I would start backing away – quickly. Marriage was a huge commitment, and I wasn’t about to take it lightly. In all of my relationships I had never felt like I knew for sure that the guy was the one.

How do you know that for sure? I would often ask my friends or spiritual mentors. The reply was always the same, “You just know.” Thanks for clearing that up for me.

What does that mean anyway? You just know. I know a lot of things until I change my mind about them. I just knew that I loved the comforter and pillows that I picked out for my bed – until a year later when I decided I needed a whole new look. I know this is trivial compared to marriage, but the logic seemed the same to me.

Even if I was sure now that this person was the one I should marry, would I still feel that way in two years? What about in 20 years? I was signing up to be with the person for the rest of my life; I had to be sure.

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Marriage vows

Marriage vows are promises a couple makes to each other during a wedding ceremony.

Civil ceremonies often allow couple's to choose their own vows, although many civil marriage vows are adapted from the traditional Catholic wedding vow "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part."

Vows can also be written by the couple, or poetry, lyrics or vows from a mixture of religious traditions used. However couples marrying in a house of worship or within a religious tradition are often constrained to use the standard vows of that tradition's ceremony.

Source: Wikipedia

Marriage Quotes

Everyone admits that love is wonderful and necessary, yet no one agrees on just what it is.
-- Diane Ackerman

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.
-- Joseph Addison

Marriage is more than four bare legs in a bed.
-- Hoshang N. Akhtar

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
-- Woody Allen

In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes.
-- Elizabeth Ashley

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.
-- Marcus Aurelius

It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage.
-- Jane Austen

Source

My journey as a newly married pinay

Whew, it took me almost a year to continue posting on this blog, what can I say, I was so busy on my last few months in Davao.

I'm already married now with my long time boyfriend Carlo and I'm here in the States with him. I arrived here last May 30 of this year and we got married June 18 of this year too. I felt so blessed to have him..my husband is my soul mate.

Being married involves thousands of emotions, and my everyday with him is always a learning experience. One thing I'm so thankful about my husband is that he is very supportive in all my decisions. It's not that he is spoiling me but its a feeling that he hears me out. My husband understands my every whim..haha -so to speak. Shifting from one country to another is not that easy. Even up to now, I am still in my adjustment period with everything - the food, the environment, the ways of life and etc.

And I can't avoid that homesickness is creeping inside me sometimes. But it doesn't stay long though, Carlo is always on the rescue. When he noticed that I've been quite, he drags me to go out to get some fresh air ( I mean warm air - I'm in New Mexico lol).

SO my journey as a newly married pinay starts from here. Thanks to all my friends who supported me all the way and thanks to the internet- it gives me company and keeps my sanity intact (taong bahay na po ako ngayon, which completely different from what I did few months ago kasi may work po ako).

All that I am and all that I have

All that I am and all that I have, I offer to you in love and in joy.
From this day forward I will love and comfort you, hold you close,
prize you above all others, and remain faithful to you all the days of our lives.

Source

Being Married

"The easiest part of marriage is falling in love and walking down the aisle. The harder part of marriage is 10 years later when the problems arise and issues have come. But marriage is not about the beginning, marriage is about the process and still being able to love in spite of what happened and what will come along."

Sharing some of our memorable moments

Marry me or I'll sue you

I love you.
I always utter this 3 magic words
And never did it failed me
cause it always bought me ur sweet 'i love you too'.

Yesterday, I compiled our everyday talks
Don't ask why,
I'm gathering evidences
and will sue you if ever you broke me in two.

You laughed and retorted,
"I'll be the one to sue you,
With all the 'i love you's and I miss you's'
I've had more evidences than you."

Haha, see how silly we are?
Really, we can talk anything
And everything without getting bored.
And hey, I'm really happy I found you.

Not sure if you can find it a poem or what. The only thing I know is that, it always painted a smile on my face whenever I remember that talk. It's so amazing how two people connect from the other side of the world. I really found my soulmate keeper.

Watching the beautiful sunrise in Paradise Isle

 

Crazy for you

Sharing our themesong...