Should I Get Married?

Revised Edition, October 2000


Most of the happily married couples I know confess that the road to finding the right person was a rocky one at best. There were many false starts and disappointments along the way, and there was even a lot of confusion in reaching the decision they finally made. One very happily married woman in her late forties admitted to me in all honesty, "If I were widowed, I don't think I could go through the process of finding a husband again."

I do know a Christian couple who were acquainted only four days before becoming engaged. The decision to marry involved no struggle for either of them. Though only in their young twenties, they were both mature enough to make a wise choice. They've been married over twenty-five years now and have had an excellent relationship. They show that whatever may be said about the difficulty of choosing a marriage partner, or the need for a long acquaintance period, there are exceptions to every rule.

I'm hard pressed, though, to think of another example like theirs. My own odyssey toward marriage definitely fit the rule and not the exception. I was painfully shy as an adolescent and teenager. While I did enjoy a dating relationship in my young teens that lasted over a year, several others which I longed to initiate never got off the ground. Things began to improve after I gave my life to Christ at age nineteen. My social confidence in general increased remarkably.

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Getting Married: How Do You Know for Sure?

Always a bridesmaid…that is what I thought I would be. As I watched friend after friend walk down the aisle and say, “I do” to their prince charming, I wondered if I would ever be a bride. I had dated several guys who wanted to become more serious, but when they would start talking about marriage I would start backing away – quickly. Marriage was a huge commitment, and I wasn’t about to take it lightly. In all of my relationships I had never felt like I knew for sure that the guy was the one.

How do you know that for sure? I would often ask my friends or spiritual mentors. The reply was always the same, “You just know.” Thanks for clearing that up for me.

What does that mean anyway? You just know. I know a lot of things until I change my mind about them. I just knew that I loved the comforter and pillows that I picked out for my bed – until a year later when I decided I needed a whole new look. I know this is trivial compared to marriage, but the logic seemed the same to me.

Even if I was sure now that this person was the one I should marry, would I still feel that way in two years? What about in 20 years? I was signing up to be with the person for the rest of my life; I had to be sure.

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